Saints and sinners rejoice. We will all rot together.
Drifting in GRiD cause my car isn’t ready to do it yet.
do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been
i used to play lacrosse in middle school. i also used to get called a fag by all my teammates. but one particular time i was at an away game somewhere and the home team had same schools colors as us so we had to just wear our gear and no shirts. so once i got all my gear back on all my teammates were laughing about it and i said in a dramatized fashion, “I feel so exposed!” thinking it’d be something to laugh about.
well some kid on my teams dad was with us by the benches and he goes, “what a fag BAHAHAHAHA” and all the kids started laughing with him.
when i walked onto the field i think a part of me died that day. i felt outside of myself. i was so angry i couldn’t even feel it. i’m sure of it a part of me died that day.
im never gonna stop working am i
feel dead inside.
I get very anxious and overwhelmed when I think about my car. All the hurdles I’ll need to jump over… mental and financial. I don’t care so much about the money… But I feel very alone on the upcoming projects I want to do. I need a friend who is down to be there when I work on Senketsu… Or help me even. But it seems everyone is too busy.
Inside i feel a fire when I think about it. A flame that’s telling me I only have myself to move this along. I can’t rely on anyone else to help me. As the minutes pass it feels more and more fierce. It feels… Good.